Second day home from work with a bad cold. Woke up with a swollen throat, much worse than yesterday and found myself in a blue mood. Oh, the boredom! When I was reading on the toilet it struck me that I only choose my own mood and it’s simply up to me if I’m miserable or not. (Notice that all bright ideas and thoughts often comes from time spend on the toilet.) So here comes a list of things that’s really good and makes my heart warm right now:

1. The book I was reading on the toilet, The Angel’s Game by Carlos Ruiz Zafón. Takes place in old Barcelona and tells the story about a young boy who wants to become a writer. I love how the author describes the environment, kinda dark and foggy. His language is also very good and I would say classy. I adored his other novel The Shadow of the Wind. It also takes place in old Barcelona, and one thing I love is that some characters appear in both books, wich makes it a lot more vivid.

2. Making and eating mini-pizzas! I choose greek inspired but just put on whatever ingredients you like, here’s how to do:

Buy Polarbröd’s Hällakaka (now would be a good time to visit Sweden).

Put tomato purée and grated cheese over the bread.

My choice of ingredients were: feta cheese, black olives, corn, green paprika, fresh basil and sliced cocktail tomatoes.

Set the oven to 200-225 degrees and the pizzas should be done in around 10 minutes.

3. Healthy drink that tastes good, orange juice with frozen strawberries. Lots of Vitamine C that hopefully will chase the cold away! And the view from my window where I can watch the world but the world cannot watch me.

4. A postcard from my grandmother on the “Johanna day”. I value a real postcard or snail mail letter a hundred times more than a text message or e-card, it’s so much more personal and loving.

Hey, it’s a pretty good day!

I had a thought I would make my blog into just that. A blog about only positive things happening around me and others. I almost never read newspapers etc because it depresses me. And so many people uses their space on Internet only to share jelousy, anger, pity and so on. I think it affects us all in a bad way to always be bombarded with these negativity. Though still… I have a feeling the number of visitors will reach below zero here… Because people obviously wants to read about “SHOCK!” “SCANDAL!” “MURDER!” “CRISIS!”.

By the way, I had a great day at work yesterday at Midsummer Day. :)

This post is a “thank you” to the person who made my day!

I was waiting for the tram to go to work and for a few reasons I was upset and crying when talking on the phone. I dried my tears as the tram came and got seated. At the next stop something happened that made me realize that there really are angel like persons out there. A guy walks up to me, puts down a chocolate bar and a bottle of carbonated water and says that he’d noticed I was sad before and that I should have this. Then he leaves the tram. It happened so fast and he acted very casual about it, I don’t know if he even heard me when I said how sweet it was of him.

This really made my day and as silly as I am I almost started to cry again, but in a good way! I often complain about people being so cold out in the society but he proved me wrong and that felt wonderful! THANK YOU! I’ve been smiling all day!

I went visiting Elina and Lennaert in Voorthuizen (Holland) last month and it really felt as that escape I needed. So good to get away. So good to see Elina! So, how’s Holland?

It’s so very flat. Almost all houses are made of bricks which is nice. Dutch people are tall, I actually felt small there with my 168 cm. On the sandwich they put all kinds of sweet stuff, it’s very odd to me as Swede but I liked it especially the cookie dough cream! I wanna import that he he. Another thing I wanna import is all their juices. I have never in my life tasted so delicious real fruit tasting juice! The Swedish brands tastes like flavoured water in comparison. Traveling by train was nice, the trains arrived in time and left every 15 minutes, it was comfortable! Here in Sweden, at least Gothenburg, I’m used to late buses and trains with less room for legs etc. Though we embarassed ourselves on a train home from Amsterdam… We sat down and was talking and giggling about silly stuff kinda loudly, Elina noticed a man that looked with a frown at us as we spoke. I was starring at this very funny sign with a man poking his nose (I thought) and laughed even more. Then Elina noticed the text on the window: “SILENCE”! And we finally got why the man frowned at us and that the guy on the sign wasn’t poking his nose… Ha ha ha! We got very very quiet but I was dying inside to let my laughter out.

So we went to Amsterdam and it was “interesting” to go to Red Light District and watch the whores in the windows. I must say they provide a wide range of girls, from the big fat mamas to the plastic model and down to the skanky heroin chicks. <0.o> Hmm sorry to say but I don’t have alot to say about Amsterdam that people don’t allready know. The street smells of weed etc etc. I prefer to talk about Utrecht! I’m in love with that city… the old style houses and streets. The canals. The many many shops and the great variety they provide. Whatever taste in say home decoration you like you can find it in Utrecht. I’m not used to that at all from Sweden. Oh I could live there!

To finnish this post I tell you that I cried on the plane home. Because it felt like I had nothing important to come home to. And I had such a great time with Elina and Lennaert, I guess I got spoiled. ;) Hopefully my next trip there isn’t too far away in the future. Now go have a look at the pictures I took here.

The sex museum in Amsterdam.

Big changes. New apartment. Living by myself for the first time. Not exactly what I wished for but the apartment is so fine and I got to move back to where I grew up. That’s nice. Now I’m at my boy friend’s place, or where he lives at least. We went for a long walk today back to where my grandparents used to live and where I spent a lot of my childhood. Nostalgic. I often find myself in nostalgic situations or memories and it’s not always so comfortable.

On Wednesday I’m running away from it all! I’m leaving for Holland, to visit my dear friend Elina and her boyfriend. It shall be so great and awesome to see her again and to get away from it all here! I need it. It sometimes feels like I’m close to a black hole that will swallow me. Getting away from my safe spot, that no longer feels so safe, will be a relief. A time to catch my breath and get a new view.

Still I’ve got insects of worry in my stomach.

I noticed today that it seems I have a crooked smile. Left side of my mouth is more easily going up then the right. Does that mean I have a happy side of my face and a sad side? Ha ha.

On the tram today I met a man,  Antonio, who asked about the way. He started to talk to me about age and aging and  that we live too short lives. He’s 44 and said that knowing he has probably allready lived more than half of his life makes him sad. Now an age of 100 is impressive but he thought it should be 150. So he wants to live that long… I’m not sure myself. If I’m healthy yes. But then should we work until we’re 125 also? It would take forever to get open job spots for the young people too. Hmm alot to think about. :)

Now it’s finally done. Yesterday we went to the bank to sign lots of papers and GET THE KEYS to my very own apartment! My happiness is beyond belief right now. I never thought this was even possible until my dear mother came up with the idea. Must say I’m so thankfull for my parents, they’re perfect diamonds in my life!

About the apartment then… It’s a one-room flat on the top floor (attic) with a sleeping alcove. The view from the main window is wonderful with no other buildings disturbing. I have the forest and lake up the hill behind me. <3

All I can think of now is decorating my new home. :)

As you grow older it seems close friends are harder and harder to find. I’m 27 now and since some years ago I’ve tried to connect with new people, searching for a deeper relationship than just gossip talk and shopping but it’s like a dead end most of the time. I’m a person who prefers a few very close friends rather than many friends you don’t really know that well. But when my best friends moved away I felt very lonely and thought for myself, there’s got to be more amazing people around the corner. Of course there are! But when I’ve tried to make new friends it often turns out that I’m the only one making an effort. Then screw it. I spoke to some friends about this and found out I’m far from alone having a hard time reaching out to new friends. As we grow older we tend to shut ourselves inside shells with thicker and thicker walls around. Maybe it’s because we’re afraid to get hurt. But you have to get hurt to win. You have to be brave too, to win the trust of others.

Now, I’m much more relaxed about it all. Maybe we should spend more time with ourselves instead of hunting friends, even if that’s so important too. But I mean, how often do you appreciate just being with You? If we get to know ourselves and becomes comfortable and secure we might more easily let strangers through our walls. :)

I went for a walk in the forest with my camera today. Sweden is so beautiful now with all the snow! I can stand the cold if it is like this more often during the winter instead of the rain and darkness.